I was sexually molested 3 times by 3 different males before I was 18 years old. I have been in several relationships that were violent. I was a victim. This happened to me, it is not who I am. I was victimized but I am not a victim.

Hallelujah, I got to choose not to be victim. A great spiritual leader, Kathy Engelhardt, said in her message one Sunday, “when life isn’t going in the direction you want, choose again”. This is a very badly mangled paraphrase, but I may have managed to salvage the meaning. Finally, someone told me, with love, to stop behaving like a victim. I had to look at my part in the violence. My spiritual director asked me about the red flags that I ignored in my relationships. I ignored controlling behavior, I acquiesced to the person’s desires, I wanted them to need me, I stayed for financial reasons, and the truth was that I believed that the abuser should get a second chance. I was wrong!! NO ONE gets a second chance to be violent. I will encourage them to get help. And then I will walk away. I can pray for them, I can love them, but I will not put myself in a position to be victimized again by that person. Now I pay attention to the red flags. I say what behavior I will accept and what I won’t. If the person wants to continue the behavior, then I will be the one to change. I don’t expect others to change so that I will be safe.

This process of becoming my authentic self and leaving victimhood behind is a long and continuing journey which doesn’t end. Through behavioral health recovery, spiritual growth, and a life committed to being the best version of me possible; I am not a victim.

More information about “choose again” and leaving victimhood behind at www.debrajhackett.com . Or call (513) 403-0648.

 Authentically,

Debbie

“If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.”; Father Joseph Martin