Shame is a complex and often intense emotion that arises from the belief that one has violated a cultural or personal norm or standard. It can stem from a wide range of experiences, such as being caught in a lie, failing to meet one's own or others' expectations, or engaging in behaviors that are socially stigmatized or taboo. Shame is often accompanied by negative self-talk and critical inner dialogue. This includes “imposter syndrome” and “if you knew me you wouldn’t like me”.

When people experience shame, they often feel a strong sense of embarrassment, humiliation, and self-consciousness. They may also experience physical sensations like blushing, sweating, or an increased heart rate. Shame can lead to a range of negative consequences for individuals, including decreased self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and even suicidal ideation.

The effects of shame can be long-lasting, as individuals may internalize the belief that they are fundamentally flawed or unworthy. This can lead to ongoing self-doubt and self-criticism, as well as a reluctance to seek help or support from others.

However, it's important to note that there is the idea that shame can also serve a constructive purpose. I don’t agree. Guilt has a constructive purpose. Guilt is the knowledge that I have done something wrong. When I admit my wrong and make amends for it, I no longer feel guilt. But shame will not always go away. When the feeling of shame hangs on, it is due to the belief that I am flawed as a person, I am not enough, I am damaged, and other self-deprecating self-talk.

Overall, the impact of shame on people is complex and can vary widely depending on the individual and the circumstances. While it can be a challenging emotion to navigate, it's important to acknowledge and address feelings of shame in a healthy and constructive way.

Debbie

“If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.”  Father Joseph Martin

debrajhackett.com/authenticity

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